[JOKES]Mark Twain's humorous stories

Mark Twain, an American novelist, once stayed in a hotel in Chicago. He was checking in at the desk when a mosquito came. Mark Twain said to the waiter, "I have heard that the mosquito is very clever, and so it was. It came to see my room number in advance, so that it could come in the evening and have a good meal."


The waiter couldn't help laughing. Mark Twain slept well that night because the bellman remembered the room number and did everything he had to do in advance.

By chance, Mark Twain and the orator johnsy m. debiao were invited to the same dinner party.

The speech began, and johnsy m. debiao spoke for 20 minutes, to great applause. Then it was Mark Twain's turn.

Mark Twain stand up and face has be reluctant to say: "all of you here, I'm very sorry, before Mr Johnsy m. to puma swap speeches about me, so you just hear my speech, I sincerely thank you seriously listen to and enthusiastic support. However, somehow, I can't find johnsy m. puma's notes, so I can't speak for him. Please you to forgive me to sit down."

French celebrity bogai made fun of the short history of americans, saying: "americans often like to remember their ancestors when they have nothing to do, but when they think of their grandfathers, they have to stop."

Mark Twain replied, "when the French are free, they always try to find out who their father is, but it is very difficult to find out."

When Mark Twain was a little-known writer, he was introduced to general grant.

After they shook hands, twain could think of nothing to say, and grant maintained his usual reticence. At last Mark Twain stammered, "I am embarrassed, general, and you?"

Mark Twain went out for a ride. When the conductor checked the ticket, he searched every pocket but could not find his own. The conductor knew him, so he comforted Mark Twain and said, "it doesn't matter, if you can't find your ticket, it doesn't matter." "Why, it doesn't matter. I must find the damned ticket, or how will I know where I'm going?"


Mark Twain often tells people of a sad time when he was a child. It is said that when Mark Twain was born as a twin, he and his twin brother were so alike that even their mother could not tell them apart.

One day, while the nurse was bathing them, one of them fell into the bathtub and drowned. No one knew which twin had drowned.

"That's the saddest part." Mark Twain said, "everyone thinks I'm the one who survived, but I'm not. My brother survived. I was the one who drowned."





Mark Twain was accused of lying by a critic who liked to quibble over details. Mark Twain replied: if you do not know how to tell a lie, have no ability to tell a lie, have no knowledge of how to tell a lie, how do you know I am a liar? Only those who are experienced in this field have the right to make such a flagrant accusation. "

Mark Twain was invited to a dinner party.

During the dinner, he said to a lady: "madam, you are too beautiful!" But the woman said, "Sir, I regret that I cannot answer you in the same way." The quick-witted and sharp-tongued Mark Twain smiled and replied, "that's all right. You can tell lies like me."



Mark Twain received a letter. It was written by a young man who wanted to ask Mark Twain the secret of becoming a great writer. "I've heard that fish contain a lot of phosphorus, which is good for the brain," the letter said. "it seems you must eat a lot of fish to be a great writer. Mark Twain wrote back, "it seems you'll have to eat a whale."