[JOKES]How to be an good veterinarian

The doctor asked the student what he was doing now.

The old student said, "I am a veterinarian now.

The doctor was puzzled and laughed: "Veterinarian? How did you become a veterinarian? It's a shame. Look at me, I'm a real doctor now. All right, enough about that. Where are you not feeling well?

Veterinarian: "Moo, moo.

The doctor continued to impatiently ask the vet what was wrong with him, and the vet just said, "Moo, moo.

The doctor said, "How can I help you if you don't tell me where you don't feel well?

The vet smiled and said, "You see, is it good to be a vet? My patients never tell me what's wrong with them. ......"

[JOKES]Dad, don't hit mom

 

Last night when I got home, I was preparing to go to sleep ......

The sound of a couple making noise suddenly came from upstairs.

A child shouted loudly and bitterly.

The children shouted: "Daddy, don't hit mommy! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the job done.

 

I thought, "This is not good!

I was about to pick up my phone and call the police ......

 

The children shouted again.

 

 

 

 

Dad, don't hit mommy, you can't beat mommy!

[JOKES] Why did the cookie go to the hospital ?

1. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

2. Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because her mom and dad were in a jam.

3. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?

Where is pop corn?

4. How do you make a lemon drop?

Just let it fall.

5. What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite.

6. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

7. What kind of water can’t freeze?

Hot water.

8. What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree.

9. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore.

10. What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip. 

[JOKES] What did one volcano say to the other?

 

1. What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.

2. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?

It waves.

3. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?

Twister.

4. How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

5. How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

6. What animal is always at a baseball game?

A bat.

7. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?

Snow.

8. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot.

9. Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

10. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 detour.

[JOKES]What is a computer’s favorite snack?

 

1. How do you get a squirrel to like you?

Act like a nut.

2. What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts

3. How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints.

4. How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night.

5. What building in your town has the most stories?

The public library.

6. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

7. What is a computer’s favorite snack?

Computer chips.

[JOKES]hat did one toilet say to the other?

 1. What did one toilet say to the other?

You look a bit flushed.

2. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?

Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

3. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

4. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?

Because she will “let it go, let it go.”

5. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

[JOKES]What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?

Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?

Time to get a new clock.

5. How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring experience. 

[JOKES]New Lamp named Love in Night

 

When the table lamp is turned on, the fabric cover covers the body of the lamp, giving it the appearance of a phalanx. According to the artist, it was originally intended to be called Phallamp or Lampenis, but ultimately it was called LOVE IN LIGHT.

When you want to turn on the light, just hold it by hand and pull down the lampshade to turn on the light.

[JOKES] We have the best !! So we get good engineer

An engineer who died and went to heaven for the benefit of all,

When he reached the gate of heaven, it was shut, and he knocked for more than once, but no one answered

He turned and found a ladder, followed it down to hell

Hell administrator said: you should go to heaven, not here, I do not have your name in the roster

The engineer replied, "Yes, I have, but the door of heaven was closed and I went straight down the stairs and here I am.

The manager of hell replied: Well, you stay here for a while

So the engineers wandered around bored, thinking that the air in hell was really bad and hot

Say to the manager of hell: your side of the environment is too bad, I will help you design an air conditioner or air conditioner for you to use

From then on, hell had a cool and comfortable environment

It wasn't long before the engineers decided that the people of Hell were working too hard,

Then he said to Hell, I'll design a batch of super machines for you to use

So the people of hell had machines that were easy and efficient to use

It was not long before the angel of heaven found that the environment of hell had become more comfortable than heaven, and that he had lived a better life than the angels

Heaven then demanded that hell return the engineer to heaven

Hell said: no, at the beginning is your own not to let him in, now how can I give him back to you

Heaven said: He belongs to heaven, if you do not return, I will tell you!

Hell laughs and says: you go to Sue! The best lawyers and judges in the world are on my side!

Angel:...

[JOKES]Interesting anecdotes about Edison

The experience of incubating eggs

Edison would love in one's childhood, particularly strong curiosity, one morning, the family found that Edison suddenly disappeared, giving way to also can not find anywhere, always in the evening, only to find that he lie beside the henhouse, belly under a lot of eggs, originally he whimsical, use your body to hatch chickens, backfired: broken egg, egg yolk, brilliant. Little Edison also learned: chickens can incubate eggs, but for some reason, people can't incubate eggs.

2. Worst Student:

Edison liked to learn about things that interested him. But school is a different matter. Edison went to school at the age of eight, shortly after his family had moved to Port Huron, on another large lake. He felt rather bored being stuck in the classroom all day.

Like most teachers of the time, the teachers at this school believed in cudgelling. Edison was very afraid of vines. Nevertheless, he could not learn much of what his teacher taught him. And his inquiring habit made the teacher angry even more.

Edison remained the worst student in his class for three months. Then he heard the teacher say something was wrong with him, that he "addled." Edison knew what this meant: Addled eggs were bad, spoiled eggs. In a rage, he rushed out of the classroom, never willing to go back.

At home, his mother Nancy stood by him. There was a time when Edison went off and on to other schools. But most of the time it was his mother who taught him. Or rather, she left him to teach himself. Encouraged by her, he read voraciously: Shakespeare, history, the Bible. One day, when he was nine years old, she gave him a book on science for the first time. It's called "The School of Natural Philosophy," and it asks readers to do some simple experiments at home. Since then, Al's life has changed.

He read the book in a daze, did all the experiments in it, and then did his own experiment. He bought chemicals, searched for scraps of electricity, and set up a laboratory in his bedroom. One of his experiments involved placing two large cats' tails on a wire and rubbing their fur against each other in an attempt to generate static electricity. The only result was that he was scratched bloody by two cats!

Another of his early experiments involved giving a friend a large dose of foaming powder in the hope that the gas it produced in the body would send him skyward like a balloon full of air.

3, hard exploration, "needle in a haystack" finally succeeded:

Edison began his hard life when he was 12 years old. He worked as a newspaper boy on a fire truck and learned how to publish newspapers. He went to Boston and New York. In order to find a suitable filament, Edison experimented with more than 1,600 materials, including boron, ruthenium, chromium, carbon, and various metal alloys, for 13 months without success. Some blew in the cold wind and said that Edison had "eaten something he could not chew." A physicist who worked for Edison called the experiment "looking for a needle in a haystack." But Edison was not afraid of failure. He kept experimenting, determined to get the needle out of the sea. Everything comes to him who waits. On Sunday, October 10, 1879, at 5 p.m., Edison lit a light bulb with a carbonized cotton filament. This time, the bulbs were bright and stable for an hour, two hours,

3 hours... The light bulb stays on. From the 19th to the 20th to the 21st, no one went to rest. It was not until 2 p.m. on the 21st, when the light lasted for 45 hours, that Edison asked his assistant to increase the voltage and the bulb became brighter. After a few more minutes, the filament finally burnt out. On December 21st the New York Herald Tribune ran a full-page story detailing the success of the bulb experiment. Edison received all the patents and is credited with inventing the incandescent light bulb. On New Year's Eve 1879, Edison lit 60 light bulbs and hung them in Monroe Park. It was snowing so heavily that more than 3,000 people came to see them.

Edison was a practical man. His motto is: "I explore what man needs, and then I step forward and try to invent it." Some people say that invention is the product of fate, Edison is a genius. Edison exclaimed: "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration!" When asked how he kept going during his 10,000 failures to invent the light bulb, he said he had never failed in the process; Instead, he found 10,000 methods that didn't work. In his lifetime, he wrote 3, 400 notebooks detailing his ideas for inventions and experiments. When Edison was seventy-seven, he was asked, "When will you retire?" "The day before my funeral!" he blurted out. At one point, Edison was asked, only half-jokingly, "Would you agree to a ten-year sabbatical from science?" Edison replied seriously, "Science does not rest for a day. It has been working every minute of the past hundreds of millions of years and will continue to do so." Indeed, Edison lived up to his promise. He was in his eighties and still worked hard to "invent more.

[JOKES]Three interesting Things about Newton

The pocket watch became an egg


Newton was so absorbed in his scientific research that he often forgot the little things in life. Once the old lady who was cooking for Newton wanted to go out, so she put the egg on the table and said, "Sir! I go out to buy something, please boil an egg to eat by yourself, the water is already burning!"


Newton, absorbed in his calculations, gave an "um" without looking up. The old nurse came back and asked Newton if he had boiled the egg, Newton said without looking up: "Cooked!" The old lady lifted the lid of the pot and was shocked to see that there was a pocket watch in the pot and the egg was still there. Newton was busy with his calculations and threw the watch into the pot.


Crazy old man blowing soap bubbles


When Newton moved into a new building, he began to study how light reflected off thin surfaces. He reads and thinks every day. When he gets up in the morning and gets dressed, he suddenly thinks of the problem in the research. He stays frozen as if he has been ordained to a legal residence. Then he starts to experiment or work, so he often puts on the wrong socks or wears autumn clothes in summer.

"Sunlight is the best source of light, soap bubbles are the ideal thin surface, the sun shines on it, why does it become colorful?
Newton's mind was churning. He went out into the yard with a bucket of soapy water and blew soapy bubbles. You see, he fixed his eyes on the soap bubbles that floated to and fro, one breaking, then blowing on another, and blowing on them for hours as soon as the sun came out.
The neighbor's kid stuck his head out of the window and shouted, "Crazy old man! You have no socks on one foot!"

The old woman in the neighborhood shook her head. "Old and young, old and old are children!"
Then people learned that the mad old man was a fellow of the Royal Society, and that he blew soap-bubbles for scholarship, and they were awed by him.


Meat and wine in the lab


Don's favorite place was the lab. He seldom went to bed before two or three o 'clock, and sometimes stayed in the laboratory all day and all night. The nurse who cooked for him had to put the meal on the table in the outer room.

Once a friend of Newton came to see him and waited for him for a long time outside his laboratory. When he was hungry, he ate the roast chicken on the table and left without saying goodbye. After a long time, when Newton's experiment was over, he realized that his stomach was growling and ran out to eat the chicken. Seeing the leftover chicken bones gnawed on the plate, he actually said to his assistant, "Ha ha! I thought I hadn't eaten yet, but I have already eaten!"

Another time, a good friend invited Newton to dinner and talked about science. In the middle of the meal, Newton stood up and said, "By the way, there is some good wine left. I'll go and get it for us." Then he ran to the laboratory and never came back. His friend ran after him and saw Newton playing with his experiment again. Newton was on his way to fetch the wine when he came up with a new experiment and forgot all about it.

This anecdote is more than three. It shows that Newton loved science and gave it all. It is because Newton has this kind of dedication to science struggle spirit, he was able to sum up Newton's three laws, to the progress of mankind has made an outstanding contribution.

[JOKES]Laughter makes the cells move

If a person does not exercise enough, at least, to let their cells to exercise.

How do cells move? It's easy. Laugh, and you're done.

Have you ever seen a person laughing, laughing to roll on the bed, it is a very intense movement of the whole body, the cells of the whole body are trembling, like the cells of the whole body are dancing, even laugh to tears also come out, snot also come out.



Even if it is only a good laugh, or a good laugh, the diaphragm must vibrate up and down, contract and relax. As a result, breathing and heart rate increase, allowing more oxygen to be drawn in, which improves blood circulation. At the same time, by the way, the visceral cells of the abdomen vibrated, the liver cells moved, the pancreatic cells moved, the gastrointestinal began to wriggle, and even the bladder cells moved. Laugh and laugh, some people have to pee, constipation also benefit. So some people say that laughter is the movement of the gut, the cells of the gut doing jogging, what a funny metaphor for like, ha, ha, ha, ha.



So a little bit more delicate, come a smile, is the cell in motion?

There is.



When you smile, your body is relaxed. When the body is relaxed, the cells of the whole body are free. Free cells are not only round and moist, but can be elongated and shortened as needed. In other words, the cells are doing yoga and stretching all the time.

Let the cell do yoga, think of this, enough funny!



Also, when you laugh, your body relaxes and you relax your nerves, which in turn reduces stress on your cells.





When the body and mind is exhausted, find a way to smile, fatigue will be relieved. Because when you laugh, you get excited. Excitement keeps energy flowing smoothly in your body and prevents it from stagnating. Fatigue is thus improved.



Laughter can also heal.





Laugh away the Disease (World Press) is the story of an American writer who suffers from an incurable disease in which his joints are immobile and his pain is excruciating. Later, I found many funny videos and laughed for hours every day. After a few weeks, the disease gradually improved. He also passed on these lessons to many other patients, and they responded well.



How to laugh? The simplest thing is to be grateful. There are only so many reasons to be grateful, but to me, the most important are three. The first is to be born as a human being, with the potential to convert, to practice. The second is to hear the Dharma and practice the dharma. The third was to follow the virtuous master, not afraid of going astray. To be honest, every time I think of it, Even when I am asleep, I can't help laughing in my dreams.



Besides, laughter is the best supply. If you can keep smiling at any time of the day, that means you are offering offerings to buddhas and Bodhisattvas, and even to all sentient beings that you see. Therefore, we can also receive the merit of "extensive cultivation", how worthwhile.

[JOKES]Look at life with humor

Look at life with humor

The great humorist Lin Yutang once said, "Humor is the flower of the human heart, a compassionate and tender outlook on life. Humor has philosophical depth, literary connotation, educational influence and entertaining effect." If life is like a dish, humor is the spice. Mr Describe a woman said: "my husband often make fun of each encounter unpleasant things, he is always with optimism, humorous mood to face. After marriage because of a failed, I comfort him, said:" it doesn't matter, day always, bitter, bitter, I just like you if you took off, one day to share with you again. "I didn't think he optimistically said to me, this is bad! Bitter, just run, wait me the apprentice, you come back again." The woman concludes: "A sense of humor in a couple is a lubricant of relationships and a role model for children to learn from relationships." People with a sense of humor, everything healthy thinking, maintain a positive attitude, when encountered difficulties, easy to save the day.

In addition, most people are afraid of being told that they are not as tall as others, not as beautiful in appearance, not as good in voice, not as clear in speech and so on. For their own shortcomings, afraid of others laughed at, in fact, where someone is perfect, why care too much about their own shortcomings, if there is three humor, self-ridicule, it is a man's natural.

Westerners like to make fun of themselves in their political statements when they are running for office. In addition to smiling, westerners can deepen their impression of Him and even win their respect for him.

Philosopher Socrates was once scolded by his wife, and when many friends in front of was poured a basin of cold water, while everyone was embarrassed to stare at each other, I do not know what to do, Socrates calmly said: "I knew after the thunder, it will rain heavily.

Well-known American statesman Benjamin Franklin, one day to visit an elder, came to the residence of the elderly, because the door is too short, carelessly head hit the doorframe, franklin was involuntarily flow tears, pain in elderly smile said: "the biggest harvest is very painful? Visit should be this! A man want to have a foothold in the world, will have a peace smoothly, avoid unnecessary friction, often have to bow, grovelling......" Franklin firmly remember the lesson of the elder, since then, "bow, humble" into his own code of life.

[JOKES]hundred birds design

Once upon a time, there was a skilled carpenter who, over the decades, made nine hundred and ninety-nine beds. The carpenter had a wish in his heart to make a decent bed for his mother. People say that there is a treasure tree on the south mountain. The bed made of the treasure tree is the treasure bed. So, the carpenter decided to go to the south mountain, cutting treasure tree to make treasure bed.

The carpenter took his tools to the south hill. The road was getting harder and the mountain was getting higher. All of a sudden, he saw an eagle chasing a phoenix, he threw an axe at the eagle, the eagle scared away, the phoenix was saved. Little Phoenix flew to the carpenter's side and said gratefully: thank you for saving me! When the little phoenix knew that the carpenter wanted to cut the treasure tree and make the treasure bed, he said to him, "I will tell the story to the hundreds of birds and ask them to help you.

As the carpenter walked on, a pack of fierce mountain mosquitoes pounced on him to suck his blood. Critical moment, a lot of swallows fly over, soon ate up the mountain mosquito. No sooner had the carpenter sat down to catch his breath than a fierce tiger came up and made him tremble with fear. Suddenly, countless birds came to the tiger up and down in front of the fly, stir what the tiger can not see, had to turn away.

The carpenter walked into the forest, lost his bearings. Meanwhile, the magpie led the way, calling out: go on! The carpenter walked on until he came to the edge of the cliff. He cried out in delight, "oh, the tree! I finally found the treasure tree! The carpenter came to the treasure tree. Just as he was about to chop down the tree with his axe, many woodpeckers flew over and broke the treasure tree. Phoenix shouted: quickly ride to the treasure tree, close your eyes! The tree took the carpenter and flew, and flew, and flew back to the carpenter's house.

Back at home, the carpenter began to make the bed. He thought, what will you make of the treasure bed? I got the help of a hundred birds all the way, on the bed carved a hundred birds design, this bed is called a hundred birds bed. He carved each bird, and after nine hundred and ninety-nine days, the bird bed was made. Everybody vies to see, all hundred birds bed is the most beautiful bed in the world. The bird bed is really a treasure bed. The weary lie upon them, and their weariness is instantly dispelled; The carpenter was glad to see that the people liked the bird bed.

[Jokes]The king's new clothes

Once upon a time there was a foolish king who loved to wear new clothes. All day long he ordered the dressmakers in his palace to make new clothes of different styles for him, and then he would show off his new clothes to his people. Although the tailors worked very hard, no one could come up with more new designs and make new and beautiful clothes every day.

One day the tailors showed the king the new clothes they had just made. The king lost his temper at once and said, "is this what you've got? Nothing creative. The king was so angry that he kicked the tailor and the new clothes a long way off.

The king had no satisfactory new clothes to wear, so he decided to put up a notice from the king. Soon all who saw the notice heard of it, and at last all the tailors in the country knew of the order and began to design the king's new clothes carefully.
A month later, there was a long queue outside the gate of the palace. Each tailor brought his favorite work to win the king's prize.

"King, it is made of the most precious silk.

"It's the latest fashion. It must look mighty for a king."

The king tried on one thing after another. He stood in front of the big mirror, looked left and right, and said critically, "tut, tut, how ugly it is! Tut, the flower color is too earthy! The king tried on a thousand things a day, but could not find one satisfactory. It was not that the clothes were ugly, but that the king was too fat.
Another month passed, but none of the clothes pleased the king, until one day two tailors, luigi and Carla, came from a neighboring country. They said to the king with great confidence, "we have a special kind of magic to make the most wonderful clothes in the world." The king was very pleased and asked, "what kind of cloth is it? What material is it? Why is it the most wonderful garment in the world?

"It's brighter than flowers, softer than clouds, it has a unique design, and the best part is that only smart people can see it," said luigi.

"Ah!" The king's surprised eyes said: "then the stupid people can not see the clothes?"

"Yeah, so it's a magical dress." Carla chimed in.

"Great! The king said happily, "if I only wear your clothes, I shall be able to tell which of my ministers are wise and which are unemployable fools."
Carla and luigi took a large sum of money from the king and began to work behind closed doors, but no one had ever seen what they were doing.

A month passed, and the king wanted to wear new clothes again.
"Is my wonderful new dress ready yet?" The king became more and more impatient, and could not help going to see for himself how the tailor worked. But when he thought about it, the king did not dare to go, for he was afraid that if he could not see the cloth, he would tell everyone that I was a foolish king. I'd better send an honest minister to see! "

Green, the honest minister, was ordered to see how the tailor was doing. He was also afraid that if he couldn't see the cloth, he would be laughed at. Green's heart was pounding outside the door, but he screwed up his courage and went into the weaving room. "how's it going, two tailors?" he cried.

Carla smiled and said, "we are working day and night. We are almost finished. Look, how beautiful the color and pattern of the cloth are!"

Green looked up and saw that there was nothing on the loom. He rubbed his eyes in surprise, but they were still empty. Luigi pointed at the loom and said triumphantly, "your excellency, isn't it beautiful? I think the king will be pleased, won't he?" Green was stunned. He stammered for a long time before saying out loud, "it's so... so... beautiful. Green didn't want to be taken for a fool, so he had to keep praising.
Carla, the tailor, said, "please tell the king that we shall soon be finished."

Green rushed back to the palace to report back to the king. His heart is very nervous, he dare not tell the truth, had to pretend to see the cloth, said the first time in his life lies, praise of say: "that cloth is really beautiful, bright color, delicate pattern, the cloth surface is soft, as if it will shine! I have never seen such beautiful cloth! The king was very happy, but green, who had lied for the first time in his life, was in a cold sweat.

After two days, the king couldn't wait. He sent another minister, normally known for his cleverness, to see the progress. When the wisest minister saw that there was nothing on the loom, he broke out in a cold sweat. But no one ever thought that minister green was any smarter than he was. He dared not admit that he could not see it, so he kept saying, "wow, what a beautiful cloth!"

The clever brown answered the king, "your majesty, you are so lucky to be able to wear clothes of that noble cloth. The king said, "that you can see the cloth proves that you are indeed a clever man. Very, very good!" Brown broke out in a cold sweat at the king's praise of him, because he could not see the magical dress, of course.

The king was very happy, for he thought, "if these fellows can see, I must be able to see too, for my brain is much brighter than theirs." The king smiled confidently.

When the king felt confident, he marched out of the palace with his guards, ready to see for himself how the tailor was doing. Several of the men who had opened the way went into the weaving room first. The notice said, "the two tailors have worked hard, and the king himself will come and see your work."

The two tailors said, "wise lords of the army, open your eyes and see first. The cloth is so beautiful and soft that I am sure you have never seen it before."

Servants, you look at me, I look at you, nobody sees anything. But no one dared to admit it, and they all said, "wow, what a strange material!"

The king smiled and went into the weaving room. He opened his eyes wide, but the sweat ran cold. "What's going on?" he thought anxiously. "why can't I see?

The king made up his mind to pretend he could see the cloth. The king smiled and said, "ha, ha, ha, this cloth is really beautiful, isn't it?" When the guards heard this, they praised him and said, "yes, it is so soft and smooth. I have never seen such a noble cloth. Everyone praised the cloth is good, but in the heart to scold themselves, why so stupid, can not see this wonderful cloth?

"Very well," said the king to the tailors, "when you have finished your work, make a dress for me at once. I am going to show my people in the streets how many wise men there are, and how many fools there are in the whole country." Then the king gave the two tailors the order of gold, the highest honor, and bags of gold.
The two tailors were overjoyed to receive so many rewards, and worked even harder. They seemed so busy that they had no rest from day till night. "Finished at last. Now let's cut the clothes!" The two tailors took the big scissors and snipped them out and stitched them together. Their hands were busy with each other.

They worked for another week, and then breathed a great sigh of relief. "Ah, dead tired, but finally done, I believe the king will be very happy, we quickly sent to the king. The two tailors went to the king with their new clothes. They said proudly:
"Your majesty, your new dress is finished. You see what a beautiful dress it is! I believe it will make you look younger and more handsome. "Said the tailor, turning the clothes about and showing them to the king.

Although the king could see nothing, he still put on an expression of satisfaction and praised the two tailors. The two dressmakers were so pleased that they said to the king, "your majesty, your clothes are too ugly.

The king listened to the tailor and took off his clothes, one by one, leaving only a pair of underpants. The tailor gestured, "please, king, put your hand into your sleeve. The king felt empty and could touch nothing. However, he still stood in front of the mirror, looked left and right, and kept saying: "well, as light as a feather, it is really cool to wear, your workmanship is really superb, I will reward you well. He also lavished money on the tailor.

The king summoned his courtiers and said to them, "well, isn't my dress really nice?" The ministers were shocked, but they all praised him with one voice: "wow, what a noble dress! Your majesty, it really suits you." The compliments were paid insincerely.

The king, in his new clothes, walked triumphantly out of the palace and into the streets. As he walked along, the king looked at the crowd on either side and thought, "this dress of mine is for the wise. The unintelligent cannot see it. How many of these people can see it?

In fact, all people see is a naked, only a pair of underwear of the king. But no one dared to say it, for no one would admit that he was a fool. Just then a little boy ran out of the crowd, pointed at the king, laughed and said, "ha ha ha! Then he pointed to the king's stomach and said, "wow, your stomach is so big. Don't you wear clothes? Aren't you afraid of catching cold?"

The crowd by the side of the road couldn't help laughing when they heard the boy's laughter. They all thought it was funny.
"Bad, I was cheated, have no new clothes at all! Too shameful." The king took the boy by the hand and hurried back to the palace. The crowd was worried that the boy would be punished by the king. Instead of punishing the boy, the king gave him many gifts and praised him, saying, "you are an honest boy. You are the only one in the kingdom who has told me the truth and made me see that I am a fool." By this time, of course, luigi and Carla had already run off with a fistful of COINS.

After this lesson, the king was determined to be a good king who worked hard and loved his people. He no longer liked to wear beautiful new clothes.

[JOKES] Three humorous celebrity stories

Three humorous celebrity stories

Presidential clothes
Thomas Jefferson was the third President of the United States. Throughout his presidency, he regarded himself as one of the common people.
One day, Jefferson met a Connecticut man.
The man saw Jefferson on a tall horse, dressed in his usual clothes, thought he was a horse dealer, and fell into conversation with him.
"Said the new President.
The other said, "Jefferson was a big spender. He wears a ring on every finger. Sell his clothes for a plantation and two watches."
Jefferson laughed and said, "the President's clothes are not as handsome as yours. If you don't believe me, I'll go with you and see him."
As they rode up the White House foyer, the servant said to Jefferson, "Mr. President!"
The man in the same trade was dumbfounded.


Columbus's wonderful metaphor
After Columbus discovered the new world, people gave him a banquet.
Some of the nobles at the banquet thought he had discovered the new world by accident.
Columbus took out an egg and said, "gentlemen, which of you can stand this egg on the table?"
The nobles, unable to get up, turned to Columbus for advice.
Columbus took the egg and struck it lightly on the table. It stood.
The nobles were very unconvinced and said, "we will stand in this way."
Columbus laughed and said, "the trouble is that none of you clever people thought of doing this before I did."



Returned to their owners
After many life choices, the founder of Buddhism sakyamuni finally realized under the bodhi tree and reached the realm of superego. Like the hardships of his path, his ministry was far from smooth.
At one point, a man interrupted sakyamuni's sermon by cursing him with foul language.
Sakyamuni waited for him to finish cursing and then asked him, "if one gives a gift to another and the giver refuses to accept it, who shall the gift go to?"
"Of course it belongs to the giver." The man replied without understanding.
"All right! Sakyamuni said, "I refuse to accept your dirty words. Now return them to you!"

[JOKES]Animal Election

The purpose of the meeting of the animals in the forest is to elect an animal who knows human beings and lead them to deal with human beings. The reason is that the development of human beings increasingly threatens the survival of animals.

The first person on the stage was the mouse, who said, "I live in a human house, and I know very well that humans come out to harass humans when they are sleeping. Many humans are schizophrenic because of us! So this representative is not who I am!"

Up just before the cat is away mice has heavy said: "you are a small mouse in the human eyes is a fart ah, is you of the presence of humans to put my training into killer at night, let me become a cat family special kinds! Who say understand human except cat! What I can lead you to the human mouse medicine poison in human food, because human is absolutely trust the cat in the evening, so I should be the representative."


Cats haven't down dogs ran up coldly said: "damn, you are now a dead cat human almost put you out, use modern weapons to catch mice, don't let you catch mice when pet you won't wag its tail, guarding your muscles don't developed, you also is a dispensable role, I can not, as is human loyal friend, know all kinds of methods of curry favor with the human, I know the human is the most people, so you should choose me, who would have thought that the most close animal would hurt him?"

After the dog made a speech, there were no animals coming up, the dog was secretly satisfied that I was the representative of when settled, then from below came a sound: "brothers killed the three human side of the bastard, to the human a xiama wei!" Then the animals all rushed forward...

[JOKES]Mark Twain's humorous stories

Mark Twain, an American novelist, once stayed in a hotel in Chicago. He was checking in at the desk when a mosquito came. Mark Twain said to the waiter, "I have heard that the mosquito is very clever, and so it was. It came to see my room number in advance, so that it could come in the evening and have a good meal."


The waiter couldn't help laughing. Mark Twain slept well that night because the bellman remembered the room number and did everything he had to do in advance.

By chance, Mark Twain and the orator johnsy m. debiao were invited to the same dinner party.

The speech began, and johnsy m. debiao spoke for 20 minutes, to great applause. Then it was Mark Twain's turn.

Mark Twain stand up and face has be reluctant to say: "all of you here, I'm very sorry, before Mr Johnsy m. to puma swap speeches about me, so you just hear my speech, I sincerely thank you seriously listen to and enthusiastic support. However, somehow, I can't find johnsy m. puma's notes, so I can't speak for him. Please you to forgive me to sit down."

French celebrity bogai made fun of the short history of americans, saying: "americans often like to remember their ancestors when they have nothing to do, but when they think of their grandfathers, they have to stop."

Mark Twain replied, "when the French are free, they always try to find out who their father is, but it is very difficult to find out."

When Mark Twain was a little-known writer, he was introduced to general grant.

After they shook hands, twain could think of nothing to say, and grant maintained his usual reticence. At last Mark Twain stammered, "I am embarrassed, general, and you?"

Mark Twain went out for a ride. When the conductor checked the ticket, he searched every pocket but could not find his own. The conductor knew him, so he comforted Mark Twain and said, "it doesn't matter, if you can't find your ticket, it doesn't matter." "Why, it doesn't matter. I must find the damned ticket, or how will I know where I'm going?"


Mark Twain often tells people of a sad time when he was a child. It is said that when Mark Twain was born as a twin, he and his twin brother were so alike that even their mother could not tell them apart.

One day, while the nurse was bathing them, one of them fell into the bathtub and drowned. No one knew which twin had drowned.

"That's the saddest part." Mark Twain said, "everyone thinks I'm the one who survived, but I'm not. My brother survived. I was the one who drowned."





Mark Twain was accused of lying by a critic who liked to quibble over details. Mark Twain replied: if you do not know how to tell a lie, have no ability to tell a lie, have no knowledge of how to tell a lie, how do you know I am a liar? Only those who are experienced in this field have the right to make such a flagrant accusation. "

Mark Twain was invited to a dinner party.

During the dinner, he said to a lady: "madam, you are too beautiful!" But the woman said, "Sir, I regret that I cannot answer you in the same way." The quick-witted and sharp-tongued Mark Twain smiled and replied, "that's all right. You can tell lies like me."



Mark Twain received a letter. It was written by a young man who wanted to ask Mark Twain the secret of becoming a great writer. "I've heard that fish contain a lot of phosphorus, which is good for the brain," the letter said. "it seems you must eat a lot of fish to be a great writer. Mark Twain wrote back, "it seems you'll have to eat a whale."

[JOKES]The most easiest road in life is downhill

1.Christmas day let me a person pass, New Year's day also let me a person pass, valentine's day also let me a person pass, have the ability to test you let me a person PASS!

2. What a cute little creature a mosquito would be if it smoked fat instead of blood.


3. What's wrong with the world when you dress like this?


4. I will be in seclusion for a month. Don't call me, because I will come out when I am called.


5. Life is funny. Live or die.


6.It is said that the way to ruin a good song is to use it as an alarm clock, and the way to ruin a good book is to include it in the exam.


7. They say the Internet is fake, I smile, as if the reality is very real.


8. Hard work makes the boss rich!


9 the most thoughtful you are your shoes, do not think it dirty, because you walk the road is not clean.


10. Otaku is a very unstable state, as long as a power failure, will degenerate into caveman.


11.Nothing can go wrong if you try.


12. Only rich people are single. Are you single? You that call bachelor!


13.The so-called maturity is from a tadpole into a frog, not from a small tadpole into a big tadpole.


14. There is a woman who can make you a millionaire, but only if you are a multimillionaire.


15. Go out on your friends, make a fool of yourself.


16. I know that life has no end, but at least, I have to make sure I eat well while I'm at it!


17.I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.


18 I am a very principled person, my principle only three words: to see the mood.


19 The most easiest road in life is downhill


20. You don't know who's swimming naked until the tide goes out.

[JOKES]Hounds and Sheeps

A rancher raised many sheep. His neighbor was a hunter, and kept a pack of fierce hounds in his yard.

The hounds often jumped over the fence and attacked the lambs in the pasture.

Several times the rancher asked the hunter to keep the dog, but the hunter did not agree and promised, but a few days later, his hunting dog jumped into the pasture and rushed into the field, biting several sheep. The unbearable rancher asked the town judge to judge. Hearing his complaint, the reasonable judge said, "I can punish the hunter, or I can issue a decree to make him lock up the dog. But then you lose a friend and gain an enemy. "Neighbors with friends, of course." "Said the rancher. "Well, I'll advise you to do as I tell you. Not only will your sheep be safe from disturbance, but you'll have a friendly neighbor." The judge said so. The rancher says yes. As soon as they got home, the farmer chose the three sweetest lambs as the judge had told him, and gave them to the hunter's three sons. Seeing the white and meek lamb, the children are like treasure, every day after school to play with the little lamb in the yard. For fear that the dogs should hurt their sons!

The lamb and the hunter made a big iron cage and locked the dog up. Since then, the rancher's sheep have never been disturbed. In return for the rancher's kindness, the hunters began to send him game of all kinds. Gradually the two became good friends. The best way to persuade a man is to think for him, so that he can benefit from it. "To persuade a person, the best thing to do is to do what's best for him, let him can also benefit from it", many quotes are simple and understandable, but to use in the life of the things to still need to practice, after all, when if shit I met such a neighbor, angry heart often obscures the wisdom, and make the people choose to hurt each other for the way to solve problems.